This is 40

 After a day of traveling, I have made it back to the Big Island. From the moment I landed in Hawaii I felt that this trip was going to be one of those trips that just gets etched into your life from that day forward.

A big part of this for me, is that I get to see how much I have changed since that summer of '96, where I spent almost 2 months here and my homesickness didn't allow me to fully experience what I had come here to do. It was so hard to be away from my friends and my family, it was almost unbearable but then I made it through and because of that I think this place holds a special place in my heart. I figured out a lot about myself during that time. I was not taking care of myself and I was making bad decisions when it came to food, either not eating or eating and going back to the dorm to throw it up. I was a sad kid for a long time but no one really knew because I was shy and I was the listener all the time. Long story short, I had come here in '96 to escape everything that was happening at home, I thought I was running away from my problems, but I just brought them with me. But on the other hand, my decision to retreat from my life for a few, made me come back home with a deeper appreciation for the life I had.

Now 20 years later, I can feel how different I am. I can feel how much happier I am. I can fully appreciate what this experience has to offer. I turn 40 in 2 weeks, but I feel like a better version of my 20 year old self right now.

This is night #1. my space is perfect for me, there is baby pigs running around outside, I have made 2 friends already, there is a hammock outside and me and the girls stopped to watch the stars as we walked back from class. For the first few hours, I would say this is exactly as I dreamed it would be and it is exactly what I deserve.

I hope to keep you posted most days and I hope you enjoy reading it. we are now far from a letter in the mail, but I think that was one of the most special parts of that '96 trip, well and this trip to, my friends and family are right there supporting me, I couldn't be more blessed!