This is 40

 After a day of traveling, I have made it back to the Big Island. From the moment I landed in Hawaii I felt that this trip was going to be one of those trips that just gets etched into your life from that day forward.

A big part of this for me, is that I get to see how much I have changed since that summer of '96, where I spent almost 2 months here and my homesickness didn't allow me to fully experience what I had come here to do. It was so hard to be away from my friends and my family, it was almost unbearable but then I made it through and because of that I think this place holds a special place in my heart. I figured out a lot about myself during that time. I was not taking care of myself and I was making bad decisions when it came to food, either not eating or eating and going back to the dorm to throw it up. I was a sad kid for a long time but no one really knew because I was shy and I was the listener all the time. Long story short, I had come here in '96 to escape everything that was happening at home, I thought I was running away from my problems, but I just brought them with me. But on the other hand, my decision to retreat from my life for a few, made me come back home with a deeper appreciation for the life I had.

Now 20 years later, I can feel how different I am. I can feel how much happier I am. I can fully appreciate what this experience has to offer. I turn 40 in 2 weeks, but I feel like a better version of my 20 year old self right now.

This is night #1. my space is perfect for me, there is baby pigs running around outside, I have made 2 friends already, there is a hammock outside and me and the girls stopped to watch the stars as we walked back from class. For the first few hours, I would say this is exactly as I dreamed it would be and it is exactly what I deserve.

I hope to keep you posted most days and I hope you enjoy reading it. we are now far from a letter in the mail, but I think that was one of the most special parts of that '96 trip, well and this trip to, my friends and family are right there supporting me, I couldn't be more blessed!

The road to Kalani...

I have started so many things on pen and paper. Letters, poems, etc. It all started ages ago, a whole other lifetime ago but it's the one thing that is the thread through the years. I want to finish this time, I want to complete a full something, a beginning of the full story, the full life experience up until now, so I am setting off in a little less than 2 months for an amazing trip that I am blessed to be embarking on. A birthday trip, an anniversary trip, a trip of a woman, very different than the girl I was 20 years ago.
I leave for the Big Island March9-Apr6. 21 days of yoga in the middle of nowhere. 6 days wandering around the rest of the island on my own. Is this real life? I am on my ultimate path, I truly feel like I am living everyday truly lucky and truly happy. I know this adventure is going to be amazing and it's totally up to me to make that manifest in my life.
I want to put it out to the ones who are curious about  my journey this time. last time I wrote letters and postcards and used a pay phone. I spent my time in class and riding my bike. I may not post often the first weeks but I hope that what I share is delicious for your mind, lifts your heart and warms your soul.

Sweet evolution